God Choose My Husband

After My Own Choices Nearly Killed Me

I was the “the woman at the well” when I encountered Jesus. I was no longer living with the father of my six-month old baby girl, and already I’d been through a string of unhealthy relationships with men, and I would continue on in this way for a few more years because I did not surrender my desire for a husband to the Lord to God. Rather, I thought I’d help God out on that one – “Surely He’s wants me to be married now that I’m a Christian.” This was the single biggest mistake of my young Christian life. It resulted in another baby with my daughter’s father after a failed attempt at reconciliation. Then afterward, the unholiest of soul-ties with a man who was a wolf in sheep’s clothing; a man who was a convicted felon newly released from prison after serving his time for attempted manslaughter. I didn’t know either of these things when I ran into him on the street on that fateful day, but I’d known him from a few years before, and before I met Jesus. And he was the only man who didn’t keep walking when I shared about my encounter and how I’d heard Jesus’ voice telling me, “I’m cleansing you of your sins.” Because isn’t it interesting how immediately after my salvation, each and every one of my local boyfriends made an appearance at my door? But this was one mission I accomplished before I completely capsized in my new-found faith – I got to share my testimony with each one who came to my door, much like the woman at the well - “let me tell you about the man who told me everything I ever did.”

And then I made the decision to stop going to church Because I allowed shame to get the best of me when my pregnancy started showing, when the religious gatekeepers kept asking about the husband I didn’t have, rather than warmly welcome me into the house of God. It was also pride that got the better of me (I share a lot more details in the book “Broken Chapters” published by 100x – “21 Testimonies of How God Re-Writes Our Life Stories.) Because time doesn’t allow (in this particular story) to share how God got my attention and got me back on track in my relationship with Him after my daughter and her father almost died. She – from a bone infection that went undiagnosed for too long a time, and he from being intentionally run over by a car (by the convicted felon) while I was living in the hospital with my daughter. Sadly, God had to shout rather loudly as I went on my willful way, looking for a husband in all the wrong places. But thankfully, God also saved my life. Because what the enemy meant for evil (my daughter’s hip-bone infection that spread to her spinal cord and might have put her in a wheelchair for life had not God intervened and supernaturally healed her) God used for good. And that good was – when the mafia guy came to my door a second and third time – to settle a score and send a message to my daughters’ father – I was nowhere to be found. God was shielding me through the unique circumstance of living at the hospital with my daughter. The runaway living in my home would later convey all of this to me. So yes, God had to SHOUT rather loudly to get me back into alignment with the plan He had for my life.

And this is what it took to bring me back to church and ultimately back to Him. For I had finally found a church that accepted and loved me as I was – a single mom with two children. And this was the pastor who had anointed my daughter with oil at the hospital the evening before her scheduled surgery; the pastor who surprised me by showing up with his wife within hours of my phone call: “hello, you don’t know me but I’ve been going to church for three weeks now, and I’m at the hospital with my daughter and I’m calling to ask for prayer…” This was that church that extended the mercy I needed, instead of judgment. And they even let me assist working with the children, which quite surprised me. But as I continued with personal struggles, sometimes the only reason I showed up was because of the responsibility I had committed to. At any rate, I was content with my new church family, and I was growing spiritually despite continued mis-steps.

Then came another move and another church of the same denomination that also accepted me. And I would have happily stayed there… But God. An announcement came one Sunday – a new building and location for Church. And when the time came, I couldn’t find the church (pre GPS days). Two Sundays I tried and failed. But God was in it. This was the beginning of the re-direct He had for me. An later that week, my mom took me out to lunch, and in the process of doing a long-winded U-turn into a business parking lot, I saw a sign in a window. A little store-front church. Yet another “brand” I was familiar with, as when I had lived in yet another city, kind people made sure I had no excuse to not attend church and picked up both my girlfriend and I and our six children and took us to church. Well, here was a church of the same name. Here was where I would go come Sunday! But it was not to be. Although it was off a major street – Third Avenue – I drove up and down the strip, expecting to see, but not finding a sign for the church that I knew was on this strip somewhere.

But God. Once again. That very week, someone temporarily living in our large household, while out pan-handling in front of the grocery store (being in a wheelchair will elicit sympathy) had received a flyer for a special church event. This person took the flyer, knowing I’d be interested. And it was this same church, and now I had an address. So off I went that Sunday. And for the next Sunday and the next, while I began to truly get discipled for the first time in my walk with Christ. And if I didn’t show up one week, they’d come visit me that week to find out why. It was the accountability I needed. We also had church Saturday nights and weekly altar calls, and it was exactly what I needed. And one particular altar call I rededicated my life back to God. God had a full grip on my life now, and over the course of the year to come, I would learn more and more what it meant to surrender to God.

But it was only one month later that I heard some powerful testimonies of answered prayer. These were the twice-a-year “big testimonies” that served to inspire us in our faith. And one woman shared how she was no longer collecting welfare checks because she’d secured a good-paying a government job. I thought, “That’s what I need.” So when the time came I went forward, thinking this would be my ASK. But the Holy Spirit knew the true desire of my heart. Because when the pastor asked what I wanted prayer for, I heard myself say “I want to pray for a husband.” This was the first time in my life the Holy spirit “took” my tongue. I was shocked and the pastor was a bit taken aback, but he recovered quickly and said, “that’s a good thing to pray for” before launching into a prayer.

And this was the moment I finally, fully, gave this desire to God. Finally, I laid down this desire that had so completely shipwrecked my life. And for the first time in my life, I prayed daily about my desire for marriage. It was the first time I ever prayed daily for or about anything. But something in me was ignited at that altar, even though I was still in recovery mode regarding the mess I had made of my life looking for a husband. So I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and eventually I began to mention three things I would like to see in a husband although I always made sure to add my version of “nevertheless, not my will but Yours.” And I didn’t think God was moving, but I kept praying. I certainly didn’t see God moving, but I kept praying. I had stopped looking outside the church walls for this husband to appear, but I kept looking at the church door, waiting for the brutally handsome guy to appear. The reality however, was that my future husband was already in my midst. The man God was preparing me for was right under my nose the whole time. The quiet unassuming guy who played guitar. The man I worked with on the drama team. The man I went on outreaches with. The man I simply could not see. Because I was still holding on to my own understanding and my own vision for a husband.

But God had a better plan, as He always does, and the answer to my prayers finally began to manifest – the man I least suspected at the start, but hadn’t I always had a thing for musicians anyway? And unbeknownst to me, this man had been undergoing his own personal transformation as a relatively new believer, and God had been preparing Him as well. After all, I was a “ready-made family” package and there were other issues that had to be addressed, which shall not be mentioned here.

But God had been moving all along, albeit unbeknownst to me, because when the pastor’s brother finally revealed his heart, I could hardly keep up with what God was doing, and what He had been doing all along. And when he finally professed his love for me – that’s when we had our first kiss. And the day after that first kiss is when he proposed. And when I said “yes” we stepped into a whirlwind seven-week engagement.

I can’t say I married my soul mate or my best friend or anything I hear many speak of these days. But I can say I married the man who was very clearly God’s choice for me, after so many of my own poor choices and three other men who had asked the same question. And it was God’s choice that led us to the altar only nine months after I laid the whole thing down at the altar. This is what God and God alone can do.

And this is the story of God choosing my husband for me. I pray it’s encouraged you; or perhaps you’ve been entertained. Either way, my tale is done. And I’ve been married to that man for almost 38 years now. And yes, we have walked through some stuff. But this man was God’s choice for me. He was the gentle spirit I needed after too many relationships with men and the consequences that attach to such relationships. He was the missing puzzle piece to my life – the one that fit perfectly. And he has been my stability who eventually also became my biggest supporter.

And this is why I can encourage you with faith and full confidence - if this is your heart’s desire – do not grow weary in the well-doing of asking. But also, don’t think you can picture the man God has for you. He may come in an entirely different package than the one you expect Also, God’s requirements might be different than yours. But He knows what you need, and it’s better than what you want or what you think you want. And as long as you’ve surrendered the matter fully to God and you are seeking God first, this thing and other things, will be added unto you. In God’s perfect time.

Thank you for staying connected. It’s my heart to inspire and instruct, as well as encourage, enlarge, equip and empower, as I am graced to do so.

I am an itinerant Minister and writing is my means of support. Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to receive continued testimony and slices of my life which I will continue to write for paid subscribers. Or consider a one-time donation to support a ministry trip to Texas at the end of this month. Godspeed and God Bless.