The Mean Man, the Mandate, and the Miracle
A True Story and a TESTimony
The Mean Man
At ten years of age my relationship with my biological father was severed when my parents divorced and he moved across the country. I saw him briefly four years after that, and again four years after that, and it’ been much like this throughout my adulthood. At some point during my busiest years of raising children, we experienced a measure of reconciliation, but my dad was only able to go so far and he pulled back again. And there are things here I must continue to leave unsaid until the fullness of time arrives for me to share them, but I can say my father carries guilt for how he behaved as a father.
One more piece of the backstory here is that dad also has a lot of anger toward God, for reasons that are beyond my comprehension. And when I’m in his proximity that anger toward God gets directed toward me although I’ve never been one to quote Scripture to him or thump a Bible over his head. Anyway, during our brief season of reconciliation, I was surprised to hear my dad share that he’d read the Bible twice and had also attended a youth group across the street from where he lived – until he left home at age 17 to join the Navy. He’s also given me clues over the years as to the reasons he left home before high school graduation. He was the oldest child of five children born to immigrant parents and the wounds inflicted on him by his mother in particular run deep. And I’ve noticed over the years that the anger my dad carries toward his mother spill over into anger toward all women in general.
It’s not my intention to dishonor my father in any way, but these details must be shared in order to get to the heart of the matter, the heart of the story and the miracle. So I must add that because of childhood trauma and wounding my father has a mean spirit. Perhaps he developed it as a way of coping with his childhood and teen trauma; I don’t know, but God does. I do know however that he carried unforgiveness toward his mom all the days of her life and toward my mom as well. He didn’t come to my wedding and that of one of my daughter’s because he knew my mom would be in attendance. This is the level of unforgiveness he holds in his heart, much to his own detriment. And as I type out this edit, I wonder if I remind him of my mom. What I do know however, is I remind him of one of his failures.
The Mandate
But now fast-forward to 2020. My dad started a flurry of email communication with me. I think the political climate instigated a lot of his emails, and although we mostly sit on the same side of the political fence, his mean streak was alive and well and came flashing through. I was far enough along on my journey to not take it personally and to lean into God. After all, he’s the only father I have and I am the only daughter he has, along with one younger son. So the emails kept coming, meaner and meaner with every “hit send.” But God. God gave me the grace to respond to his meanness with kindness. In fact, it became an actual mandate from the Lord – that no matter what my dad said, I was to forgive him. AND honor him as my father. It became an act of daily forgiveness. But I had the Lord on my side and the awareness this was an assignment from Him. So I remained faithful to the assignment, which included prayer for my father’s salvation. It was the first time in my life in which I knew it was a test while I was in the midst of the test.
The Miracle
The entire summer passed. Then one day, seemingly out of the blue, I received an email from my father. He didn’t begin with a salutation. He didn’t even address me by name. His email simply stated, “If you can get out here before the end of the year I’ll give you my 2020 Subaru Outback. I’ve got a hankering for a Ford truck, so I’m going to get a Ford truck because the deals are good at the end of the year.” Now some things require prayer, but some things do not. And one thing I learned from my mom that has served me well is to graciously accept a gift when it’s offered. With a hearty “Thank you Jesus” I responded the next day, letting my dad know I’d make arrangements to fly out to eastern Tennessee and pick up the Subaru, and that I’d let him know the date when my ticket was purchased.
A quick side-note here. Never say never. After a 33 hour drive of relocating back to Oregon after a four-year stint in Tulsa, I’d declared “no more road trips.” This would now be a 40-hour drive, made even longer with a to a visit my Aunt and her family. And this is how I became the owner of a 2020 vehicle in 2020 with 8,000 miles on it, the newest car I’d ever owned up to this point in my life. But this is not yet the end of the story!
I flew out to my dad’s in November. Was this the reunion visit I imagined it might be? (As my brother just happened to be living in my dad’s basement apartment at the time, after being shot taking down a madman.) No it was not. In the very short span of my visit (I flew in Thursday night and left Sunday morning at my father’s directive) the special time I envisioned my brother and I having together on Saturday, his day off, did not happen. Also, my father’s words brought me to tears twice, although not publicly and the details of which I don’t remember and are not important to this story.
What is important to this story however, is that weeks prior to my dad’s offer, I’d received news that my 2002 Subaru would require major engine repair and the full measure of brake service to keep it on the road. I’d been told the car had a small bit of mileage left before these repairs would be needed and to use my driving miles judiciously. However, I’d made the decision I wouldn’t be repairing this car; it was no longer worth the investment and I’d simply go without a car for a season. I’d been without wheels before. This time however, it wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. We still had an older Kia and on the rare day I needed to get somewhere I'd drive my husband the hour-long round trip to take him to work. I gave the matter to the Lord, and I had a perfect peace about it. I’d get another car at a cost I could afford to pay cash for at some future point in time. This was my plan, my idea.
But my heavenly father had a far better idea, and His idea was a far better car than what I could afford. This was His provision for me and I believe it had everything to do with being faithful to the mandate God gave me, to honor and forgive my dad no matter the cost. It was perhaps the first time in my life in which I knew it was a test while I was in the midst of the test. And I believe God turned my dad’s heart toward me, which was one of my prayers in the midst of this process, and that God caused my dad to think of me instead of turning in his car for trade in value which is what he’d always done. I also believe this new vehicle was God’s choice for me, because left to my own devices I would never have chosen a gray (boring) Subaru Outback Onyx (luxury edition) vehicle. But God chose it for me. It was His gift to me. It was also a reminder that I was stepping into a new season of my life, gray being the color of maturity. And in God’s goodness He used my dad as the means of the blessing - so in essence my dad went from being my Antagonist to the vessel of my blessing. Only God could orchestrate such a thing. To God be the glory!
The Footnote
Two interesting things have occurred since my dad gave me his Subaru. 1. I’ve moved to the same state in which my dad resides, which was not the original plan when we first put our previous home on the market, but it was God’s plan all along as now I’m only a six-hour drive from my dad and 2. It’s a crazy story, but I no longer have the Subaru. I thought I would be driving that vehicle till the end of its days, but God chose another vehicle for me. And once again, it’s a vehicle I would not have chosen, and that’s a story for another time. In the meantime, it will be interesting to see what God will orchestrate next! (as I still have yet to see my dad or brother since that visit).
The Scripture Principle
A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9
There are many plans in a man’s heart,, nevertheless the LORD’s counsel - that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Proverbs 37:23
Let’s Pray
Father, we thank you that it’s your desire to secure out steps and set us on our high places. May we trust you and lean into you in every area of our lives. May we trust you whole-heartedly and not lean on our own understanding. May we acknowledge you in all our ways and trust that You are directing our paths. In Jesus precious
Name, Amen.