I wan’t going to write today, but my mind is changed after reading Aaron Salvato’s Note “The Kingdom of Heaven matters to people who know what hell tastes like.” After reading his impactful note, I put pen to paper and wrote in random order what hell tasted like for me:
Approaching the edge of insanity in the midst of a downward spiraling mushroom trip, and pondering whether to jump into the abyss.
Getting ripped off. Again.
Eating a yoghurt a day while living on methamphetamines for a time.
Trapped in the car again with my abuser, speeding down the highway with no exit.
Wondering if I’m pregnant. Again.
Being introduced to pot, hashish, acid and ? in the summer before I turned 14.
Realizing something was slipped into that joint I just smoked.
Being told by a medium (after asking about the terrifying presence that had visited me twice), “Not to worry. These are beings from another world who will be tapping into your soul from time to time in order to glean information because this is your first life on earth.” And since there’s no need to belabor the point, I end it here.
And this is is why the kingdom of Heaven matters to me. Beyond church doctrine and denomination, and beyond which is more correct - I’ll leave that to others. The taste was bitter, but I am now a prisoner of Hope and I now proclaim, “Behold your God! He comes with a strong hand, and His arm shall rule for Him; Behold, His reward is with Hm, and His work before Him” (Isaiah 40:9-10).
Before I came to Christ, the enemy tried to confuse me many, many times. In one particular instance, I opened a very big door to the demonic. I actually left my body, traveled through "space" to "heaven", where a shiny, gold, light being met me and extended it's hand to me. It all looked so surreal, so heavenly, but something in my gut said not to trust it. I somehow came back into my body, both mesmerized, but extremely confused. Fast forward a couple years later, Jesus visited me in my bedroom. I was crying at His feet. I was so aware of my sin next to His holiness and purity and too ashamed to open my eyes and look at Him. But I didn't have to see Him to know it was Him. Every cell in me was 100% certain it was Him, my Lord, my Creator. Hell tasted like confusion and anxiety. Jesus tasted like freedom and clarity.
And you were the one who posted the Barbie post about trust. I think that was my official introduction to you!